Pounds of Chocolate

A good roller coaster is the best - up, down and upside down - it makes you scream with joy. But a bad roller coaster is the worst. As soon as it starts, you panic then clutch the seat in front of you, squeeze your eyes shut and try not to vomit. So goes life - so great at times you scream with joy. But sometimes so tough, all you can do is hold on and try to keep your lunch down. As I grow older (and hopefully a little wiser) I realize how life brings ups and downs to everyone - even me. For some reason I believed the bad things were going to skip me. Guess I thought I was special. Or maybe I thought I could prevent tough times by controlling every part of my life. I really thought I could keep everything in balance, on track, safe, secure, happy.....you control freaks out there know this drill. But I couldn't and can't and shouldn't even think I can try. 

Life is life - no way to escape the tough times. No way to avoid the housing collapse (yes, we bought two properties right before everything went south). No way to avoid getting older. No way to avoid a budget, illness, conflict, people, mistakes, bad breath, bad drivers, bad sushi...even death. I can't even avoid the Terrible 3's (yes, 3's - not 2's!!) with my precious daughter. All this time we've had a sweet angel who was so delightful and fun. Now don't get me wrong - she's still all those things and more. But OMG - all of the sudden she's morphed into an alien! The word "no" is no longer in her vocabulary. She will scream and drop to the floor, yell, refuse her bath, try to spit and hit, and refuse to do even the most basic requests. Last week, she turned her precious little hands into guns and tried to shoot me from her time out chair. It has left us baffled and stressed and in Barnes and Noble looking for books. One thing that helps is her binky (see attached picture - yes, even in the pool) and despite all the warnings, we let her have it on tough days, just to help keep her mouth closed.

One particularly tough day, the words ran through my head, "I'm being driven to drink". Amira has her binky. So what's my "feel better" friend? What will help me make it through this moment? If someone had handed me a shot of vodka or a Xanax, I would have seriously considered it. We all have our little friends to help us de-stress, right? I used chocolate every night for at least a year during a hard time recently. Stashed bag after bag of York Peppermint Patties and Hershey Kisses under my bed. Those little treats did fantastic things to my brain and help me check out - even for a moment.

So is life possible without our little "friends"? What helps us navigate through hard times without checking out? Jesse and I have talked at length about living successfully and keeping a positive attitude, even when the outlook isn't so good. We want to honor God and lean on Him. We want to trust Him, even when He seems silent or far away. We want to put our faith into action. I must admit I didn't do a great job at this in the past. I kinda got a little mad at God and had a pity party. I kinda ate a lot of chocolate and watched a lot of TV. I kinda stopped reading my bible and praying and instead went shopping. I kinda blamed Him for things that just happen in LIFE.

The one thing I know is that God waits for me while I struggle with my faith. He waits for me while I say angry prayers and let my bible collect dust. He waits for me while I go through emotions and questions. He waits for me and doesn't give up on me. And I know God waits for you, too. His love for us is so great. He will stay right by our side even in the darkest moments. I realize now He never causes the storm but instead is my umbrella, my raincoat, my rain boots. And one day, the storm passes and our faith is stronger. Our love for Him is greater. And we finally feel like running to help drop the chocolate pounds.

Shelley 

All You Need Is Love

All you need is love- right? Love conquers all, Can't Buy Me Love, Endless Love, I Just Called to Say I Love You, The Power of Love, Addicted to Love, I Will Always Love You, Love in this Club, AND Love is a Battlefield. It's what we all long for. It’s what we dream about, write about, sing about, pray about and wish upon a star for. The moment we were born we were in massive need of love. Babies won’t thrive without it. Children need it to grow. Parents find an inexhaustible supply for their children. And romantic love- forget about it. It’s what epic novels are written about, movies are made for, what love songs are recorded for. After all, there's a holiday just for love- awesome.

What is love? Is it that warm, fuzzy feeling? Is it heart-racing excitement, just can’t wait to see that person feeling? We are conditioned to think of it these ways: a dozen roses, a first kiss, a well-planned date, a diamond, a new car, lots of Christmas presents, a wedding. Maybe it’s a roof over your head, food on the table, giving old stuff to the Goodwill, writing a check to wells in Africa.

Or maybe love is much more- maybe it’s selfless, deep, loyal, persevering. Maybe it looks like this: a decision to stay when its easier to leave, continuing to help someone who spits in your face, standing by a parent who never says "I love you", having children, going to Africa to dig the well, fostering a child.

One thing I do know - love is not superficial- it runs deep within us and we need it to live life on earth. But sometimes maybe we confuse love for someone else.... with love for ourselves. How do we express selfless love? How do we overcome our own wants and needs and serve someone with our love? How do we move past the ooey, gooey, mushy feelings and find a love for other people that lasts and makes a difference in their lives. It begins with God- the originator of love, the creator of relationships, the One who cries for us, who died for us. Lets start by understanding His love for us.

How many times a day do you think about tomorrow?

A couple of weeks ago, I had a dream. I woke up with short breath, tears in my eyes and with fear. Although it was just a dream, I realized God was speaking to me, passing the message to SLOW down. In my dream my sister and I were caught in a really bad storm yet my main concern was my nephew and my loved ones. There were power lines falling beside us and the water was rising higher by the minute. I later came to realize that sometimes I feel like I am caught in a middle of a storm, the storm called Life. Every day I have so many things to do that I end my day wishing there were more hours in the day because all I have done all day is concentrate on all the things I will and will not get done. I go to sleep at night thinking about tomorrow and the fact that I have to wake up and do it all over again. The day after I had that dream, I came to realize how much that dream reflects my day to day life. I am sure you Gals can relate with me when I say being a Woman is tiring, We have so much going on that we don’t think about something as simple as dedicating more time to our prayer skills (at least for me this is something I need to work on) or even just dedicating more time to ourselves. So, here is the message loud and clear, we need to live our lives one day at a time, taking time to think about what God wants us, as Women, to do for ourselves and most importantly, for him because at the end of the day, everything that matters will be taken care of and those things that we don’t get to were probably not even worth worrying about. I have started to “practice what I preach” and every time I feel like I have a million and one things to do, I take a deep breath and remember that no matter what is going on in our life right now, our God doesn't miss a thing he has it all under control and so do I.

Take one day at a time, and don’t borrow trouble “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” (Matthew 6:34).

Nery Castaneda

Recovery of passion...

OK, so its totally not cool to plagiarize things, BUT i just have to share this entry from a book I'm reading, Abba's Child. I just feel its super appropriate with Valentines coming up, and with LOVE on my brain! I completely identify with Brennan Manning as he shares bits and pieces of his testimony and journey with God ...

"Many of us can recall an utterly unpredictable moment in which we were deeply affected by an encounter with Jesus Christ -- a peak experience that brought immense consolation and heartfelt joy. We were swept up in the wonder and love. Quite simply, we were infatuated with Jesus, in love with love. For me the experience lasted nine years.

Then shortly after ordination i got shanghaied by success. Applause and acclaim in the ministry muffled the voice of the beloved. I was in demand. What a giddy feeling to have my person admired and my presence required! As my unconditional availability increased and intimacy with Christ decreased, i rationalized that this was the price to be paid for unstinting service to the kingdom enterprise.

Years later, the fame faded and my popularity waned. When rejection and failure first made their unwelcome appearance, i was spiritually unequipped for the inner devastation. Loneliness and sadness invaded my soul. In search of a mood-altering experience i unplugged the jug. With my pre-disposition to alcoholism, i was a raging drunk withing eighteen months. I abandoned the treasure and took flight from the simple sacredness of my life.

Finally i went for treatment in Hazeldon, Minnesota. As the alcohol fog lifted, i knew there was only place to go. I sank down into the center of my soul, grew still, and listened to the Rabbi's heartbeat.

The ensuing years have not been marked by uninterrupted awareness of present riseness; my life has not been an unbroken spiral toward holiness. There have been lapses and relapses, fits of pique and frustration , times of high anxiety and low self-esteem. The good news is that their hang-time grows progressively shorter.

What is the purpose of this self-disclosure?? For anyone caught up in the oppression of thinking that God only works through saints, it offers a word of encouragement. For those who have fulfilled Jesus' prophetic word to Peter, "before the cock crows you will have disowned me three times," it offers a word of liberation. For those trapped in cynicism, indifference, or despair, it offers a word of hope.

Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8). The way He related to Peter, John, and Mary Magdalene is the way He relates to us. The recovery of passion starts with reappraising the value of the treasure, continues with letting the Great Rabbi hold us against His heart, and comes to fruition in a personal transformation of which we will not even be aware. " -- Abba's Child, Brennan Manning.

I've been in love with love, but i too just like Brennan had my own discovery of just how far off track i was... He has gently been teaching me and pushing me back toward holiness, and I'm so thankful for books like these, author's like this, who are real, deep & honest! -- I'll have to share my story soon ;)

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed some of this ....

XOXO

Nichole

Trust

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight

If you are like me, you have heard this verse a million times. We nod in agreement..... it's a really nice verse, yeah I trust in God and it's very true. BUT to really LIVE out this verse in the midst of adversity, when you don't get that job, the man of your dreams, money for *fill in the blank*,when you wonder if God will ever get you out of the place you are stuck in......yeah that's a BIG TOUGH VERSE. God's asking a lot there isn't He? You see if we do trust in all things, we really should never worry. Our thoughts should not be consumed by the 'what if's' in life. Do you worry? Do you really trust in God?

Some of us girls have been burned by someone in our lives and just that first word TRUST can make us cringe! Yet God is the one person who has proved Himself again and again (read the bible - it's true!) and still we doubt. I doubt. Why?

We lean on our own understanding! We feel we can only rely on ourselves to take care of us. And perhaps today's culture has a role to play in that. Maybe we are control freaks? Either way God says - NO! Don't rely on our human brains, rely on the creator of human brains, and all else, for that matter. Maybe some of us struggle to accept His love for us - that He really does want the best for us?

6 Years ago, I suffered a tremendous loss in my life. I hit adversity at its finest. When you face adversity, you can choose to let it damage your faith or build it. Sadly, I admit that me and my damaged faith have been limping around and "off-roading", if you will, for far too long. I am still in the race, but I'm sure I am making things much harder for myself than they need to be. Today, I am not content to keep relying on my own thoughts on the matter of who I am and where I'm headed. It's just not working and frankly, I am getting on my own nerves! It's time to rely on a more trustworthy source!

For me it starts in Romans 12:2. I must be transformed be the renewing of my mind! I need more of His word. More truth resonating in my heart daily. Because truth says we CAN rely, depend, trust in God with all things - He's got our back! Truth has made clear no one cares for us more than He does. He gave His very life for us. (John 3:16) Truth is He knows the plans He has for us, to prosper and not harm (Jer. 29:11).

So let's press on, stop all the worry and TRULY trust in God! Oh yeah - there is a little waiting involved, not always my favorite part, but his timing is always perfect! When God comes through, as I know He will - let's encourage each other by sharing what He's done in each other's lives.. Let's choose to build our faith together in adversity. Whatever it is you're facing today - hang on! He WILL get us through and I know the other side will be even BETTER than we could have imagined!

Rheada Enabnit

He's Still Saving Me

Psalm 42
1 As a deer longs for flowing streams,

so my soul longs for you, O God.

2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.

When may I come to see God’s face?

3 My tears are my food day and night.

People ask me all day long, “Where is your God?”

4 I will remember these things as I pour out my soul:

how I used to walk with the crowd

and lead it in a procession to God’s house.

I sang songs of joy and thanksgiving

while crowds of people celebrated a festival.
5 Why are you discouraged, my soul?

Why are you so restless?

Put your hope in God,

because I will still praise him.

He is my savior and my God.
6 My soul is discouraged.

That is why I will remember you

in the land of Jordan, on the peaks of Hermon, on Mount Mizar.
7 One deep sea calls to another at the roar of your waterspouts.

All the whitecaps on your waves have swept over me.[b]
8 The Lord commands his mercy during the day,

and at night his song is with me—

a prayer to the God of my life.

9 I will ask God, my rock,

“Why have you forgotten me?

Why must I walk around in mourning

while the enemy oppresses me?”

10 With a shattering blow to my bones,

my enemies taunt me.

They ask me all day long, “Where is your God?”

11 Why are you discouraged, my soul?

Why are you so restless?

Put your hope in God,

because I will still praise him.

He is my savior and my God.

Psalm 42 has been the cry of my heart lately. These past months have been really tough for me. It seems like I’ve been in a season of winter since summer.

As I read over Psalm 42, I could feel the agony that the descendants of Korah must have felt. My heart responded in agreement to the words that were written thousands of years ago. Oh how my heart cries! For months, I’ve been longing for God’s refreshment. My soul craves for God and yet everything that I try just doesn't seem to work. Tears fall from my eyes like a waterfall with an endless supply of water. My heart wonders where He is. I’m discouraged and restless. I feel forgotten in the darkness of my season. The radiance that once filled my life with delight has been smothered by the gloom of my trials. Despite all my efforts, I can’t seem to move forward. My heart breaks as I remember the joy I once had.

While I continued to read Psalm 42, words began to take form, each one began describing the trouble within my heart. I am taunted by my enemies and their questions concerning my God’s abilities. Since I came to the Lord, my life has been turned upside down. After 9 1/2 years, I wish my life was different. I wish the naysayers and enemies of my life, would see breakthrough. Don’t get me wrong. God has done some amazing things in and through my life. But why do I still stand in need and lack?

I struggle daily...the areas that I want change in don’t seem to be changing at all. In fact, they seem to be getting worse. At times it feels like I’ve been frozen in my circumstances. It’s discouraging. I was sold out and passionate for the Lord! I did whatever was asked of me. I tried everything I could to bring change, but now I’m at my wits end! I’m tired of trying, I’m tired of waiting, I’m tired of being hopeful. I’m tired of pressing on. I am consumed by anxiety...I’M JUST PLAIN TRIED!

Like so many other Christians, I put on a mask. Not wanting to show the truth of my heart, I smile in hopes that others will not see the depth of pain within my heart. I am a wrench woman seeking for a deliverer. A deliverer who will deliver me from this life of struggle, from my sinful ways, from my unhealthy habits, from my lustful desires, from my judgmental and righteous pride, from my lack of discipline, and all the other dirt that fills my mind and heart. I’m frustrated with all the emotions, unanswered questions and unfilled desires. My tears have become my food and only comfort. After all these years, I still find myself calling for my Camels to come. Maybe I have a bad connection? Maybe if I’d called Verizon – God could hear me now.

One day at church, our worship leader played this song called “He’s Still Saving Me” by Chris McClarney. As I began to listen to the words, suddenly my heart was pierced. I’ve missed the whole point about this Christian life. I’m frustrated with my own efforts. I thought that “I” was to work out my salvation. Don’t get me wrong – we are to work out our salvation, but the responsibility and duties are the Lord’s, not ours. It’s not up to me. All that He requires is that I abide in Him. I can never do it on my own. I will always come up short. However, God will never. Throughout the song I kept hearing the Lord tell me that “I am a work in progress.” “I am still being saved.” “It is not a onetime deal.” You don’t just get saved and BAMM – YOU’RE ALL CLEAN! I didn’t get dirty over night!

In the midst of my darkness, I got a glimpse of light! The Lord pours out His unfailing love upon us each day. He knows our pain and frustrations. Why have I forgotten this? Why has my soul been so discouraged?

Throughout this time I’ve been drawn repeatedly back to Psalm 42. Each time I read it my heart finds comfort in the honesty of the author’s words. Like David and the descendants of Korah, I could not see the light of my God. I was blinded by all the negative taunts, overwhelming emotions, and the heavy hand of oppression from my enemies. It is here that I began to understand David’s firm stand towards God’s love. Despite all the heartache and trials he faced, he still chose to continue to praise his heavenly Father. I like David so much; he's so human. There’s no mask, just real, honest emotions. Even when he didn’t feel like it, even when there was no reason to celebrate, even when he was discouraged and restless, even when things weren’t changing in his life, he chose to put his hope in God.

Despite all the heartache and trials we face, our hearts were created to praise God! I believe God knew the trials that His children would face and therefore created our hearts to praise Him even in the darkness of our pain, problems and unfilled desires.

Regardless of what I feel or what I see with my naked eye, my soul will still put it’s hope in God! I will praise Him again MY SAVIOR and MY GOD! Yet will I praise Him! Yet will I serve Him! Yet will I remain faithful to MY LORD and Savior! This world has nothing to offer me, but false hope, false love and false success.

As 2010 comes to an end, my prayer for you is that you too will end this year with praise and adoration towards our heavenly Father. Put your hope in Him! He’s not done with you – in fact He is still saving you daily! He still calls you beautiful! So, regardless of the many trials and hardship that 2010 brought…take a stand now and make a declaration like David and the descendants of Korah did - declare that YOU WILL PRAISE HIM AGAIN OUR SAVIOR AND OUR GOD!

May the love of Christ overwhelm you in 2011 and may His hand of protection be with you and yours always! May the Lord increase you more and more in the knowledge of His Character and His wisdom! God bless you!

“Still saving me” – Chris McClarney
You won't back down

Your name is faithful
You never fail
You are able to complete all you began in me

I cannot hide
You know me better than I know myself
You cannot lie

You know my shame
Still, You call me beautiful


Only You can open my eyes 

Through every failure through every lie

It's Your kindness Lord that leads me to the truth 

You're still saving me
When I lose my way in the night

All my fears are lost in Your light

It's Your kindness Lord

That brings me back to You

You're still saving me


In You, in You, I delight in You

I lift my eyes to You my help it comes from You

Tracy Fontan

The Kingdom of Heaven - Faith

I have been struggling with God's calling in my life lately. What is my purpose, is it just to be a servant to my husband and children, or is there more out there for me. I love serving them, but I'm hungry for more! For a couple of years, my husband and I have been discontent and wanting something more out of this life. We have been tired of being complacent and comfortable, tired of being consumed with ourselves and this materialistic world. We began praying and searching...
> >
> > God has provided a new job and total career change for my husband, which is allowing him to promote a ministry that we are very passionate about. God then allowed our home to sell quickly in a very difficult market. We felt Him calling us away from the comforts of home and decided to follow the call and move our family of 5 across the country. We left family, friends, and community in Nashville, TN and moved to a beautiful place in Colorado Springs, CO. We felt that God had something waiting for us. To be totally honest, I'm doubting what that "something"is. I'm feeling lonely and homesick and not feeling like God is using me at all! Is the problem with me? Am I not making myself available? I trust that He is in control and there are lessons to be learned here, but I'm in a place of question. I know His ways are best and He can and does use the weakest people if we're just open to it!! So that's where I am, open and waiting and a little impatient for friends, opportunities to serve and love others.
> >
> > It is always so cool to look back and see how God's plans are worked out. That is where my hope is today! I know I will look back on this season of doubt and loneliness and see God's hand and faithfulness. It is mysterious how He works in our lives and provides exactly what we need when we need it.

Christi